Stages of Grief After Losing a Pet: Why They’re Not Linear

You know that moment when you think you’re finally finding your footing again… and then a smell, a sound, a tiny memory hits you sideways?

And suddenly you’re back in the thick of it.

People often tell me they feel like something’s wrong with them because their grief doesn’t follow the “five stages” they were taught to expect. They think they should be moving from denial to anger to bargaining to depression to acceptance in some clean, tidy sequence.

But pet loss doesn’t work like that.

It’s messier. More intimate. More disorienting. And way more human.

If you’re in it right now, I want you to know you’re not failing at grief. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. What you’re feeling is normal, even if it doesn’t feel predictable or organized.

Let’s break this down together.

The “stages” idea

The stages of grief were never meant to be a rigid map.

They weren’t designed to tell you where you should be on day 10 or week 6 or month 8. They were observations. A snapshot of the emotional terrain people often move through when they’re facing loss.

But somewhere along the way, the stages became a checklist.

People started treating them like levels in a game.

Have I unlocked the next stage yet?
Why am I back at anger?
Why am I bargaining again after finally feeling some peace?

It creates pressure. Shame. Self-doubt.

And here’s the truth I wish every grieving pet parent knew:

Those stages don’t represent steps. They represent states.

Moments. Waves. Emotional weather patterns that come and go.

You can feel acceptance in the morning and collapse into guilt by dinner. You can feel peaceful for weeks and then fall apart because you found a single hair on your jumper.

I’ve seen people push themselves hard because they believe grief has a timeline. They fear that if they “regress,” it means they’re not healing.

But grief isn’t a staircase. It’s a tide.

And tides move.

What actually happens

Let me paint a picture many people recognise.

You wake up one morning and, for the first time, the heaviness in your chest is a little lighter. You make coffee. You feel okay-ish, which feels like progress.

Then you look at the empty spot on the floor where your dog used to wait for a biscuit.

And everything in you collapses.

That’s how grief behaves. It’s unpredictable. It loops. It surges. It goes quiet and then roars.

Even the emotions themselves change texture over time. Anger in the early days feels sharp, frantic. Weeks later it may feel tired and heavy. Guilt might soften from “I failed them” to “I miss them so much I don’t know what to do with it.”

Bargaining often becomes an ongoing conversation in your head.

If I’d seen the signs earlier.
If I’d picked a different treatment.
If I’d waited one more day.
If I’d acted one day sooner.

These aren’t logical questions. They’re emotional attempts to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense.

And then there are the waves.

Those sudden rushes of grief that feel almost physical. A tight throat. A hollowing sensation in the ribcage. That strange, floating disorientation where the world feels too bright and too loud.

Most people think waves mean something’s wrong.

I see the opposite.

Waves mean your mind and body are processing exactly what they need to. Grief is moving through you instead of getting stuck inside you.

This is where content-free hypnosis becomes incredibly powerful. It helps you soften the intensity of the waves without needing to talk through or relive every detail. Your subconscious already knows the story. It’s already carrying the memories, the guilt, the love, the thousand tiny routines that made up your life together.

You don’t have to explain any of it for the healing to happen.

If you’ve never explored hypnosis that doesn’t require talking, you can learn more about how it works in my guide here:
Content-Free Hypnosis: A Simple Explainer

The short version is this: your subconscious can do the heavy lifting, even when you’re exhausted, numb, or overwhelmed.

And if you’re grieving a pet right now, your mind is tired in a way most people don’t understand.

Gentle tools to ride the waves

When the waves hit, the goal isn’t to stop them. You can’t halt something as deep as grief. Instead, the goal is to stay anchored while they move through.

Here are a few ways I help people do that in sessions, especially online, where most of my work happens.

1. Space before the spiral

Give yourself permission to pause the moment a wave rises.

Don’t rush to figure it out. Don’t try to analyse it.

Pause.
Breathe.
Notice the sensation instead of the story.

Where do you feel it?
Chest? Throat? Stomach?

This simple awareness creates space. And in that space, intensity drops.

2. Micro-rituals of connection

For many people, grief is layered with fear that letting go of the pain means letting go of the pet.

But connection doesn’t disappear. It shifts.

A photo you touch as you walk by.
A candle you light.
A collar you keep in a drawer you open only when you’re ready.
A small daily moment that says: “You mattered. You still do.”

These rituals stabilise you during emotional surges. They remind your nervous system that your bond continues even though your routines have changed.

3. Shift the guilt pathway

Most pet owners carry guilt, even when they did everything they possibly could.

Guilt appears in waves too.
Sometimes it steals your breath.
Other times it arrives like a whisper you can’t ignore.

Content-free hypnosis helps here because guilt isn’t logical. It’s emotional. You can’t argue yourself out of it. But your subconscious can release the pressure of it piece by piece, without you having to relive painful decisions or moments.

This is often where people feel the first real sense of relief.

4. Memory without overwhelm

One of the hardest parts of grieving a pet is that memories feel too sharp at first. They hurt more than they comfort.

With the right internal support, your mind learns how to hold memories without collapsing.

You’re not erasing anything. You’re building inner strength.

This is why I always encourage people to work with their subconscious, not against it. It already knows the shape of your grief. It already knows what you’re holding.

5. Shared humanity

Pet loss can feel surprisingly isolating.

You look around and everyone else is functioning. Working. Posting photos. Playing with their dogs at the park.

Meanwhile you’re struggling to make it through the grocery store without crying in front of the pet food aisle.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Your grief is a sign of love, not weakness. You lost someone who impacted your daily life, your routines, your sense of safety, your heart.

If you ever want support through this, I offer online sessions for pet loss that go straight to the subconscious level, without requiring you to talk through painful details. You can learn more here:
Pet Loss Support with Hypnosis

Where healing actually begins

Healing doesn’t start when the pain ends.

Healing starts when you stop fighting the shape your grief takes.

When you let yourself feel anger one day and acceptance the next.
When you stop treating waves as setbacks.
When you stop expecting a map for something that has no map.

Grief is not linear because love is not linear.

You had a relationship with your pet that evolved over years. Your grief will evolve too.

You’re not meant to move through it in straight lines. You’re meant to carry it, reshape it, learn from it, and eventually let it become something gentler inside you.

Not gone.
Not erased.
Just softened.

Your subconscious already knows how to do that. It just needs space, safety, and the right internal cues.

You don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t have to talk about the details if that feels too painful. There’s another way.

FAQ

What does “non-linear grief” mean after losing a pet?

It means your emotions won’t follow a predictable sequence. You may cycle through sadness, guilt, anger, bargaining, and acceptance in any order. This is normal and not a sign of regression.

Why do guilt and bargaining feel so strong with pet loss?

Because you were responsible for their wellbeing. Your mind tries to make sense of the loss by replaying decisions or imagining alternatives. This is emotional logic, not failure.

Can content-free hypnosis help with grief even if I don’t want to talk about the loss?

Yes. Content-free hypnosis works by engaging the subconscious, so you don’t need to verbalise anything. Your mind can process grief without storytelling or analysis.

How long does grief for a pet usually last?

There’s no set timeline. Some people feel functional after a few weeks, others take months or longer. The duration doesn’t reflect the depth of your love or your strength.

What if my grief comes in waves months later?

Waves are normal even long after the initial loss. They show that your bond was meaningful. With support, the waves become easier to manage and less overwhelming.